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5. Kellyanne Conway, because she thinks microwaves work for Obama.

Kellyanne Conway is currently the butt of jokes around the world, which can only mean one thing—she said something in public.

During an interview on Sunday night at her home in Alpine, New Jersey (which features New Jersey-themed pillows—yikes), Conway was asked about President Donald Trump's evidence-free claims that President Obama had wiretapped Trump Tower to spy on him. Ignoring the question, Conway started listing methods of surveillance, including "microwaves that turn into cameras." She added, "We know this is a fact of modern life."

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Once again, she inadvertently turned herself into a meme.

Pressed on the issue during a spate of media appearances on Monday morning, Conway admitted, "No, of course I don't have any evidence for those allegations." She clarified, "I'm not in the job of having evidence."

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At this point, she should be happy she's in a job at all.


4. Regis Philbin, because he forgot he hosted America's Got Talent.

Somewhere, there's a painting of Regis Philbin with an appropriate amount of energy for his age.
Somewhere, there's a painting of Regis Philbin with an appropriate amount of energy for his age.
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Regis Philbin is a man of many talents—rapping, hosting talk shows, hosting game shows, tolerating Kathy Lee, aging gracefully… but after approximately 120 years in show business, you can't blame him for having a hazy memory of his own resume. Cornered at LAX by TMZ goons, Philbin was asked what he thought about new America's Got Talent host Tyra Banks. He couldn't figured out why they were asking him, until his wife Joy reminded him that he hosted the first season of the show way back in 2006.

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Of course, once his memory was jogged, Philbin was more than willing to wish Banks and the whole AGT team a hearty good luck. His greatest talent has always been feigning enthusiasm.


3. Ivanka Trump, because SNL got her good.

Why is she supposed to be off-limits again?
Why is she supposed to be off-limits again?
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Compared to most of the members of her father's entourage, Ivanka Trump has it easy. While they're constantly being raked over the coals for their inability to defend the president's wildly paranoid and offensive outbursts, she gets to ride above it all. Even when she does become the brunt of the internet's jokes, it doesn't usually stick in the way "Obama spying through microwaves" does.

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But leave it to Saturday Night Live to ask, "Why?" In a commercial spoof this past weekend, guest host Scarlett Johansson introduced Ivanka's new fragrance, Complicit.

Seriously, she's one of her father's closest advisers. Stop acting like she's Princess Peach held captive in Bowser's castle.


2. This lumpy-legged bandit who was caught trying to smuggle 10 pounds of cocaine into New York.

On March 4, U.S. Citizen Juan Carlos Galan Luperon was stopped by Customs and Border Protection at New York City's JFK Airport after a flight from the Dominican Republic. According to CPB, "Mr. Luperon exhibited numerous signs of nervousness and his pants appeared to be rather snug." When they removed his suspiciously snug pants, they found something truly bizarre.

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While it may look like he's some sort of lumpy mummy or Michelin Man, those are actually packages of cocaine taped around his legs. All in all, his thunder thighs contained 10 lbs. of the illicit drug, with an estimated street value of over $164,000 (maybe a little less because of the B.O.).

Luperon was turned over to Homeland Security on federal narcotics smuggling charges. In addition to serious jail time, he faces the greatest punishment of all: having all that tape ripped off his legs.

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1. Whoever owns this house on Lake Ontario.

This is why you build a retaining wall.

After five days of powerful winds and bitter cold, the people of upstate New York are starting to wonder when March will go out like a damn lamb already. But one homeowner on the shore of Lake Ontario has it especially rough, because their lack of a retaining wall meant there was nothing to protect their home from the freezing lake water.

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Images and video of the ice-encased home went viral after being shared by Twitter user @john_kucko. It's pretty entertaining, as long as it's not your house.

While it might not seem like an ideal piece of property to most of us, it would serve Superman very well as a new Fortress of Solitude.

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