5. Tomi Lahren, because she was permanently banned from her old job.
Conservative pundit Tomi Lahren may have ended her own brief career as the face of young furious Republicans, and it's all because she made the grave mistake of having one different opinion. During a March 17 appearance on The View, Lahren said she is pro-choice, explaining, "I’m for limited government, so stay out of my guns, and you can stay out of my body as well."
While her supporters had no problem with her saying that Iran is a "terror training ground," or that the DNC paid for violent protests at Trump rallies, this time they decided she'd gone too far. Her bosses at TheBlaze, the conservative outlet started by Glenn Beck where she had been employed, suspended her indefinitely.
And if you thought that was just a slap on the wrist to get her to toe the party line, you don't know Beck. Over the weekend, sources confirmed that Lahren has now been permanently banned from TheBlaze. One insider told Page Six:
Glenn is reminding the world of his conservative principles by sidelining Tomi after she insulted conservatives by calling them hypocrites … He just couldn’t sit by and watch as Tomi Lahren said there’s no way for conservatives to justify anything other than being pro-choice.
Some feel that this is part of Glenn Beck's attempt to win back fans who feel that he himself has gone soft on his conservative credentials. Readership of TheBlaze is way down since he appeared on Full Frontal with Samantha Bee. So if you thought this story was a sign of the conservative movement doing some serious soul-searching, don't worry. It's just pundits selling each other out to survive.
4. Kevin Hart, because he got called out by Dave Chappelle.
If you haven't opened Netflix in the past week, you might not know that the streaming service just dropped two new standup specials by comedy legend Dave Chappelle. In one of them, he tells a brutally honest story about taking his star-struck son to meet Kevin Hart backstage at a show, and how angry he was to be upstaged by someone he "didn't realize" was so successful.
You can't help but feel for both of them. Chappelle is seeing a younger comic enjoy the same status he had back in his "I'm Rick James, bitch" years, while Hart is being played for laughs by one of his favorite comedians of all time.
But while Hart may privately have responded to the clip by weeping into a golden pillow in one of his 800 mansions, he publicly handled it with grace.
He even kept his cool when trolls tried to use the bit to attack him.
He might mean "there's money and success out here for BOTH of us." There aren't many comics who will ever hit the level these two guys are at. Which explains why they're so comfortable being compared to each other. Owning a fleet of Lamborghinis will do that.
3. A woman who blamed her car crash on Bigfoot.
A woman from Tensed, Idaho who hit a deer with her car gave the Latah Country Sheriff's Office a unique explanation: she said she was distracted by Bigfoot. According to a report from Pullman Radio, the 50-year-old suffered a minor neck injury in the crash, which she immediately reported to the authorities.
Right about now, you might be thinking that she mistook the deer for a sasquatch. You would be so wrong. According to her statement, Bigfoot was CHASING the deer. She was so startled by the eight-foot-tall "hairy beast," she didn't swerve to avoid its prey.
Although it's easy to be skeptical of her story, we choose to see the positive. If Bigfoot is real, this means he got a free lunch. And as environmentalists, we support that.
2. A guy whose vanity license plate was taken away because of his unfortunate last name.
An irate motorist from Nova Scotia, Canada is furious at the Registry of Motor Vehicles for revoking the vanity license plate he's owned for more than 25 years. A family heirloom, he bought the plate as a gift for his father, and has proudly displayed it on his own car since his father's death in the 1990s. But now, the CBC reports that the government has revoked his plate because it bears a "socially unacceptable slogan." That "slogan" is his last name, Grabher.
Lorne Grabher is going public with his struggle against Motor Vehicles. He spent his life teaching his children not to be ashamed of their name, just as his father taught him. But now, the fat cats are telling him in writing that his name is offensive. He told the CBC:
I was taken aback. How can you say my name is a slogan when it is not? … Where does the province of Nova Scotia and the government of Nova Scotia get the right to discriminate against a person's name?
The Department of Transportation responded to a CBC inquiry with the following statement:
A complaint was received outlining how some individuals interpret [the name] as misogynistic and promoting violence against women … With no way to denote that it is a family name on the plate, the department determined it was in the public's best interest to remove it from circulation.
But that just made Grabher even angrier. He, and others, feel that the sudden decision to revoke his plate after so many years may be related to US President Donald Trump's now-infamous comments about grabbing women. But Grabher has a response to that too:
Donald Trump is a totally different person. He's ignorant. He doesn't care about anybody and I shouldn't be put in a class like him.
You said it, Mr. Grabher!
1. A Florida man who was arrested for eating pancakes in the middle of a busy intersection.
Yes, this is exactly what it sounds like.
A young man in Lakeland, Florida is facing his day in court after the local police saw photos of him sitting shirtless in the middle of an intersection, eating pancakes off a small TV tray. Baffled police officers posted the story on Facebook as a deterrent against anyone else who might be thinking about committing this very specific crime.
After a concerned citizen shared a video of the suspect and his flapjacks on the Lakeland PD Facebook page, some of his friends immediately outed him as 21-year-old Kiaron Thomas, who lives 100 yards from that very intersection. Police interviewed him, and he admitted he pulled the stunt as a prank (ON WHO?).
Thomas was charged with Placing an Obstruction in the Roadway and Disrupting the Free Flow of Traffic. His court date has been set for April 25. Some Facebook commenters complained, stating that eating pancakes is a victimless crime. The police responded with another photo to prove them wrong.
When will people learn that eating pancakes is a privilege, not a right?