5. Tyga, because he can't afford his dream house in Kylie's hood.
Rapper Tyga (real name: Tiger) is having serious money problems lately: he has a tax lien of more than $19,000, and he owes more than $40,000 to a backup dancer who was creeped on hard during a music video shoot. Of course, being in debt is a problem when you're dating one of the Kardashians—how is he expected to Keep Up?
That's exactly the problem facing Tyga right now. He's been trying to buy a $10 million mansion in Calabasas, CA for a while now, but keeps coming up short every time he's close to sealing the deal. TMZ reports that he has a different excuse whenever it comes up, but the truth seems clear: he's biting off more than he can chew.
However, it seems unlikely Tyga will admit to that fact. His dream home is in the same neighborhood as his 18-year-old girlfriend, Kylie Jenner and her extended Kardashian/Jenner/Voldemort family, including her mom Kris, sister Kim, and brother-in-law Kanye. If he admits he can't afford the house, he'll look like a fool in front of them. And if there's one thing that family won't stand for, it's not being taken seriously.
4. Iggy Azalea, because Erykah Badu threw some serious shade at her.
Last night, the Soul Train Awards were broadcast on Centric. If you didn't know that, you're racist. The ceremony was hosted by the legendary Erykah Badu, who opened with the traditional award show monologue. She roasted herself and certain other artists in attendance, but nobody got it too bad. Except for Iggy Azalea, who was hit with a massive facefull of shade. Here's a clip, complete with the appropriate reaction from the guy filming it:
In summary: Badu called what Azalea does "definitely not rap." Could this be the start of another feud like Azalea had with Britney Spears? Let's hope so. That was fun.
3. German police, because their new riot gear looks goofy as hell.
These new protective uniforms for police in Bavaria, Germany are certainly intimidating. In fact, as the tweeter above suggested, the helmets look a lot like Darth Vader's. But some film buffs noted that they bear a greater resemblance to an even more terrifying film villain.
That's right—these riot cops look like Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet in the Mel Brooks classic Spaceballs. Even with ceramic composite plates and a titanium helmet, they'll have trouble scaring any terrorists who've seen this scene:
In fact, the first public reaction to the new outfits was a good old-fashioned Reddit Photoshop battle, featuring gems like these:
Best of luck to those poor cops. And may the Schwartz be with them.
2. Laker fans, because Kobe is out the door.
After nearly 20 years with the Los Angeles Lakers, Kobe Bryant announced yesterday that he will retire from the NBA. He made the announcement in a poem titled "Dear Basketball," published in The Players' Tribune. It's an emotional and bittersweet way for him to tell his fans, "That's right. I wrote a poem."
Speaking of fans, Laker fans are probably sweating in their Kobe jerseys right now. His presence as a superstar on the team's roster has been taken for granted for many years at this point. Will they play as well without him? Only time will tell. But one thing is clear: basketball's loss is poetry's gain. American verse needs the bold, honest voice of this alleged rapist.
1. A 5-year-old girl who can't get a personalized jar of Nutella because her name is Isis.
Nutella, the Italian hazelnut/chocolate spread that turns toast into candy, is beloved the world over. And Ferrero, the company behind it, is smart enough to never jeopardize that by courting controversy. After all, they did dump Kobe Bryant as their sponsor after he was accused of rape. So it's understandable that when they started selling personalized jars of Nutella, they made sure the computer system didn't allow pranksters to order jars with problematic names on them, like "Diarrhea" or "Kobe."
But that careful approach backfired when Heather Taylor of Illawarra, Australia tried to buy jars for her nephew Odhinn and niece Isis from a Myer department store. Both names were initially flagged, but a store manager eventually allowed the Odhinn jars to be printed. Isis, however, was a no-go.
The store assumed the name was a reference to the terror group ISIS, as opposed to Taylor's actual 5-year-old niece. Of course, this poor little girl can't help sharing the name of the world's most hated militant group—it's not even her parent's fault, because the Islamic State didn't rise until after she was born. But will that help her get a creamy jar of delicious goo with her name on it? Not likely.
Even after Isis's family explained that she was named after the Egyptian goddess, Ferrero refused to budge, citing a need to be consistent in their rules. If they let her use the name, why couldn't the actual ISIS order hundreds of jars to be delivered to their strongholds in Syria for their next brunch? It's a slippery slope.
Could this hard-line stance cause Nutella to lose Isis as a fan for life? Probably not. That stuff is delicious.