5. Stephen Miller, because he's in Mueller's crosshairs.
Miller, the hard-right Trump advisor who wants to enact policies that take America as far back as his hairline, finally has his time to shine in the Russia investigation.
The New York Times reported on Saturday that the top campaign official who was in touch with George Papadopoulos (who pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI) about his efforts to set up a meeting between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin was none other than Stephen Miller.
A day after learning that Russia had "dirt" on Hillary Clinton, Papadopoulous reached out to Miller to say he had an "interesting message" from the Russkies.
Seeing as Miller was a huge campaign surrogate who continues to work in the White House, this kind of undermines the spin that Papadopoulos was merely a lowly coffee boy, freelancing without the knowledge of the rest of the campaign.
Two weeks after that email, Donald Trump Jr. took his now-notorious meeting with the Kremlin-connected lawyer.
Miller was also reportedly interviewed by Mueller last week (say that ten times fast), where Special Counsel Robert S. Mueller III grilled him on his involvement in James Comey's firing.
Lawyers and lawmakers on Twitter have suggested that Miller is in some deep sh*t.
Miller is shaping up to be a big liability, and unlike Donald Trump Jr. and Jared Kushner, he's not related to the boss. Bye bitch!
4. Louis C.K., because his career is over until he stars in Daddy's Home 3.
Last week was not a good week for the most powerful comedian of the past 15 years, and this week he's starting to have to deal with the fallout.
C.K. had a habit of exposing himself and masturbating in front of female comedians and colleagues without their consent, a crime we should have seen coming (no pun intended) within his jokes.
In the wake of this report, the release of C.K.'s movie I Love You, Daddy, a Woody Allen homage, was canceled—even though releasing things people don't want to see is kind of his thing.
C.K. has since lost his publicist (whose name is Lews Kay and is surprisingly not an alter-ego); his deals with Netflix, HBO, and FX; and his starring role in The Secret Life of Pets 2. And it's safe to say that nobody wants to hear his masturbation "jokes" anymore.
So it's safe to say to say that sun has set on the era of Louis C.K., for now, because if known anti-Semitic, violent, misogynistic a-hole Mel Gibson can become a star of a family-friendly Christmas romp, anything is possible!
3. The guy who streaked at the Buffalo Bills game, because he's been arrested.
Fans at the Bills-Saints game in Buffalo yesterday were blessed with some bonus entertainment. Tristan Lambright from Cheektowaga, New York hopped from the stands onto the field to try his hand at a naked touchdown.
The Huffington Post hilariously notes that by sprinting from end zone to end zone, the streaker rushed for more yards than the entire football team, running 100 to the professionals' 69 (nice).
The Bills suffered a devastating blow at home, losing 10-47 to the New Orleans saints.
Draft this guy, stat. And make sure his ability to sprint is unencumbered by a uniform.
2. Khloe Kardashian, because people spent the weekend wondering if she got a nose job.
It's so hard to keep up with the Kardashians' faces, especially as they trick you with the sorcery known as contouring. That's why a picture of Khloe and a cute fluffball of a dog inspired plastic surgery speculation, seeing as her nose in the 'gram looks about half the size.
"New nose? Who dis?" people wondered.
The curiosity brought the country together, as even Fox News covered the mystery.
After days of rampant suspicion, Khloe responded on Instagram, with some shots including her nose captioned, "Haters will say it's photoshopped."
But people still aren't convinced.
Perhaps we'll never learn what is real and what isn't on Khloe Kardashian's face...and in this life, one must become comfortable with the unkown.
1. Whoever is responsible for this typo, because they no longer have a job.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of the TimesDaily's front page editor, who is now but a shell of their former self.
The fail inspired an ocean of puns.
Wish I could mussel up such great puns— SHADOWBAN?? (@Finkelmeister) November 12, 2017
That's ok. Puns are cool, but when you're good with idioms, the world is your oyster.— Dimitri (@Dimitri246) November 12, 2017
Pretty shellfish move by the copy ed— Will Graves (@WillGravesAP) November 11, 2017
I'd be pretty crabby if my byline was on the story.— Ben Jones (@BW_Jones) November 11, 2017
You gotta sea it to believe it.