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5. Kanye West, because supporting Trump was only the beginning of his meltdown.

He used to be so normal.
He used to be so normal.
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At a concert in San Jose last Thursday, Kanye West managed to stun his fans (who are used to him saying crazy sh*t) by announcing that if he had voted in the recent presidential election, he would have voted for Trump.

Needless to say, even the most diehard members of the Kanyehive were unhappy about this. Kanye "George Bush doesn't care about black people" West supporting the same guy as the KKK?

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https://twitter.com/TrapPat/status/799600945747361792

But it turns out that the Trump outburst was only a teaser of West's latest tantrum. At a show in Sacramento on Saturday, he managed to get through only three songs before launching into a disjointed rant about radio stations playing too much Drake, Beyoncé being a diva, Mark Zuckerberg refusing to give West $53 million, and Hillary Clinton losing the election. Then he abruptly walked offstage. Ticketmaster later agreed to refund every ticketholder.

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West also canceled his concert in Los Angeles on Sunday at the last minute. Has his fragile psyche finally snapped for good? Or is he just winding down his music career so he can focus on running for president in 2020? But in that case, he would be challenging an incumbent he supports. You know what? He probably hasn't thought it out that far.


4. Melania Trump, because Gigi Hadid gave her such a spoofing.

She probably wishes her husband would deport her at this point.
She probably wishes her husband would deport her at this point.
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At the American Music Awards on Sunday, co-host Gigi Hadid got into the political satire game by debuting her Melania Trump impression for her co-host, "master impressionist" Jay Pharaoh. It was brief, but the audience seemed kinda into it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1DV1oJoDBY

Honestly, I'm more impressed with Pharaoh's impression of "a guy who thinks that was a good impression." Hadid nailed that thing Mrs. Trump does with her lips (and her tendency to plagiarize Michelle Obama), but other than that it could use some work.

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Still, it must sting for Melania Trump. Her husband is free to whine on Twitter every time someone impersonates him, but Melania just has to take it in silence. And it's pretty clear she never wanted to be First Lady in the first place.


3. Mariah Carey, because her ex wants to be written out of her life on her reality show.

If she had known she could erase people from history, she would have been doing it all along.
If she had known she could erase people from history, she would have been doing it all along.
Getty Images

If there's one thing that has shaken the world's stability more than the presidential election, it's the breakup of Mariah Carey and her ex-fiancé, Australian billionaire James Packer. The split between these titans has been bitter and drawn-out, which is no surprise when you hear about the pre-nup.

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But there's another factor complicating the situation: hours and hours of Carey and Packer's relationship were filmed for her upcoming reality show Mariah's World. Now, Packer is claiming that he was bullied into agreeing to appear on the show. TMZ reports that he even wants to be scrubbed from the footage before it hits the air.

And it looks like he'll get his way, because apparently he never signed the proper releases to be part of the series. So I guess Mariah's World will be a show about a mysteriously single Mariah Carey doing billionaire-style engagement activities on her own. Which would be difficult to believe for anyone but her.

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In an interesting twist, TMZ acquired a "bombshell" piece of video to discredit Packer's claim that he didn't want to appear on the series. In this clip, you can see the then-engaged couple smiling at a party in Capri. Packer notices the cameras and doesn't recoil from them in horror.

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But what you can't see is that Carey has his balls in a vice-like grip under the table.


2. A guy who bought a samurai sword from a ninja and found out it had been stolen.

Note: this guy is not an authorized reseller.
Note: this guy is not an authorized reseller.
Shutterstock

If we've said it one, we've said it a thousand times: never trust a ninja. If they're not creeping up behind you and slitting your throat, they're selling you stolen merchandise.

On November 11, a thief dressed as a ninja broke into Bosco’s Comics, Cards & Games in Anchorage, Alaska and stole a white katana (samurai sword). A security camera caught him in the act (which in itself proves he's a terrible ninja).

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Maybe behavior like this could be forgiven if he was stealing back his master's sword to kill the demon that had taken his head, but it turns out this honorless assassin just wanted to make a quick buck. He sold the katana to an unsuspecting dupe, who had no idea it was stolen. Because he trusted a ninja.

When the buyer realized what had happened, he did the honorable thing and committed ritual suicide returned the sword. Bosco's thanked him in the traditional nerd way: a snarky meme.

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Posted by Bosco's Comics Cards & Games on Thursday, November 17, 2016

Unfortunately, the sword had seen some battle damage in its adventures. Bosco's employee Eric Helmick said it was a "little dirty" and missing a decorative piece. The result of being plunged into the heart of a dragon? Probably.


1. The "Spelling Bee Bandit," who's wanted by the FBI for being a dumbass.

I'm guessing he didn't pick that name.
I'm guessing he didn't pick that name.
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The FBI is offering $1,000 for any information leading to the capture of the Spelling Bee Bandit, an unidentified robber who has held up four Massachusetts banks since October 31. Like all criminal masterminds, this guy has a pattern. He always shows up wearing sunglasses, then hands the teller a note scrawled on the back of a withdrawal slip. That note always bears just one word: "Robery."

Now either this guy is holding up banks to fund his dream of opening a bathrobe store, or he doesn't know how to spell "robbery." But despite his apparent third-grade education, he has still managed to elude capture during a crime spree that has lasted weeks. The FBI is so desperate, they have released this wanted poster:

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Don't let the fact that he dresses like a professional poker player fool you—this man is a dangerous criminal. Apparently, he's become more aggressive with each subsequent teller he's held up. Next time, there's no guarantee this robery won't turn into a murdur.

If you have any information on this man's identity, contact the FBI immediately. He's described as roughly six feet tall, late 30s to early 40s, and extremely dumb. Exercise caution.