Because of the long weekend, Tuesday is Monday and Monday is Tuesday, so let's get to the belated schadenfreude fest!
5. Kris Jenner, because she's so damn mad about Caitlyn Jenner's book, there's only a 2% chance they'll ever speak again.
On Watch What Happens Live, Kim Kardashian played a classic round of "Plead the Fifth," and spilled the beans/the tea on Caitlyn and Kris's relationship, which could ultimately be adapted into a season of Ryan Murphy's Feud.
Asked what are the chances that Caitlyn and Kris will ever speak again, Kim said "zero," before upgrading it to 2, because of Kendall and Kylie.
According to The Daily Beast, Kris is "irate" about some of the details in Caitlyn's book and insisting that a lot of the details were made up.
In the book, Caitlyn wrote:
"I tell Kris about my gender issues before I make love to her. This will always be a subject of dispute between us. She insists that she was taken by surprise by my ultimate transition to Caitlyn, which obviously means in her mind that she did not know enough."
On a recent episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kris vented about her portrayal in the book to Khloe and Kim.
"I read it and basically the only nice thing she had to say was that I was great socially at a party one time," she said. "Everything she says is all made up. Why does everything have to be that ‘Kris is such a bitch?’"
Breakups are impossibly tough—with and without memoirs and reality shows.
4. Justin Trudeau, because he got shaded by the Pope.
Trudeau and his wife Sophie Gregoire-Trudeau met Pope Francis at the Vatican on Monday and Pontifex looked less than thrilled.
Pope Francis delivered a similar look in his photo op with the Trump family, which launched a million memes.
This smug mug could have a little something to do with the fact that Trudeau asked the Pope to apologize for the Catholic Church's role in abusing Indigenous Canadians at church-run schools.
Or maybe the author of a treatise on climate change gave the Canadian Prime Minister a stern talking-to about the need to protect the environment.
Or maybe the Pope has gotten tired of seeing thirsty Trudeau memes on Twitter and wanted to mix it up.
3. Tiger Woods, because he got arrested for a DUI without even drinking.
Golfer man Tiger Woods was found asleep at the wheel in his Mercedes in Jupiter, Florida, and was arrested and charged on Monday with driving under the influence.
According to court records obtained by the Palm Beach Post, Woods did not have any alcohol in his system, and his lawyer's statement blamed "an unexpected reaction to prescription medications" for his unexpected nap.
The very sad, very bloated mug shot quickly got the tabloid treatment, giving punsters the headline of their dreams and the nightmare of being duplicated.
All in good pun.
And of course, the mug got memed.
2. The guy who told a motel that he forgot his gun under the mattress, because he was met with a surprise when he picked it up.
Torrie Get You Gun, but the cops will get you first.
A guy named Torrie Flock was staying at a Brooklyn motel and after he checked out, he remembered that he forgot his gun.
Flock called up the motel and let them know that his .45-caliber Smith & Wesson handgun was under the mattress, and when he went to pick it up, the cops were right there, waiting for him.
He was charged with criminal possession of a weapon and presumably went on to beat up himself for snitching on himself.
1. This angry pedestrian who walked into a pole, because he walked into a pole.
A cranky man out for a stroll out in Adelaide, Australia was freaking out at a driver when he walked right into his fate. The friendly neighbor (Note: His hat, while red, does not say "Make America Great Again") became the toast of Oz.
After the bang, the yeller keeps going.
It's even better with a soundtrack.
In addition to looking both ways before crossing the street, remember to keep looking in front of you.