5. Blue Ivy Carter, because she's a rap prodigy.
The blessed spawn of Beyoncé and Jay Z, Blue Ivy Carter, is a stellar entertainer in her own right. It's either nature, nurture, or the forces of both that has her freestyling at five years old. On the CD and vinyl copies of dad Jay Z's new album 4:44, the kindergartener has her own track called "Blue's Freestyle/We Family" where she spitz barz about ceilings, an insightful metaphor for limits.
Now Blue's already got a whole boomshakalaka flock of fans, called the Ivy League.
Damn. When I was five I wasn't rapping, I was eating wrapping paper.
4. The guy who delivered pizza during a riot.
Protestors in Hamburg, Germany let loose on the city to try and disrupt the G20 summit, but somethings absolutely won't be disrupted: pizza delivery. As leaders of the world's twenty major economies, including Russian presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin , gathered to talk about major economy things, a hungry Hambuger really wanted their pizza and a Dominos dude obliged.
Twitter applauded this pizza man's dedication, and hoped the riot didn't stop them fhrom delivering in 40 minutes or less.
Doing gods work. Truly.— Brandon (@MoustacheMutiny) July 6, 2017
3. Seth Rogen's mom, because she's a hero of sex positivity.
Seth Rogen's mom Sandy has a pretty active Twitter following and a pretty active sex life. On Wednesday, Sandy tweeted about the joys of post-coital napping to her over 44,000 followers, and everyone loved it—except for Seth.
Of course Seth's embarrassment just brought more fans to Sandy's feed, including Russell Crowe.
Sandy was already winning at life for having sex this week in the first place, and now she's winning even more by spreading the love.
I think it's awesome! Keep it up, Sandy! pic.twitter.com/EetlIotNwc— Nicole Hurley (@DialNforNicole) July 5, 2017
There is no such thing as too much information.
2. Angela Merkel, because she's serving the best looks at the G20 summit.
Chancellor Merkel, Leader of the Free World, is being widely celebrated for her commitment to maintaining Western democracy and reacting aptly to authoritarian dude bros.
Here, she embodies the world reacting to Donald, becoming the Chancellor of Over It™.
And now, Merkel rolling her eyes at Vladimir Putin mansplaining ballistic missiles has instantly reached icon status.
This iRoll is getting a lot of "Yaaaaaaas, Chancellor"!!
Merkel is turning into such a badass. Love it!— Matt Sutkoski (@mattalltradesb) July 7, 2017
I'd like to hang out with Angela Merkel. I'm gonna drop her a line on WhatsApp now.— Jö Kendall (@jothekendall) July 7, 2017
To think, we live in a world where the Chancellor of Germany is the least Hitler-y, despite having the same job that Hitler had. Nice!
1. Kesha, because she's back.
On Thursday, Kesha released her first song in almost four years, four years which included legal battles against her former producer Dr. Luke and a "Free Kesha" movement advocating for her to be free to make music again.
Now Kesha is back, and she channeled the tumultuous experience of the past few years into a powerful ballad.
"I have channeled my feelings of severe hopelessness and depression, I've overcome obstacles, and I have found strength in myself even when it felt out of reach," Kesha wrote in Lenny Letter, "I've found what I had thought was an unobtainable place of peace. This song is about coming to feel empathy for someone else even if they hurt you or scare you. It's a song about learning to be proud of the person you are even during low moments when you feel alone. It's also about hoping everyone, even someone who hurt you, can heal."
In just 24 hours, the video had over 4 million views, which means approximately 16 million tears.
Welcome back, Kesha. We missed you.