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5. Jennifer Garner, because she called bullsh*t on People magazine's cover story about her.

Fake news.
Fake news.
Twitter: @People

Jennifer Garner, the actress who just exudes sweetness, is featured on the cover of People magazine this week, and unbeknownst to her, she sat down and revealed the secrets of her life as a divorcée.

Rather than the average tabloid nonsense—i.e. she's been pregnant with quadruplets for 45 months—talking about her divorce from Ben Affleck seemed like a plausible scenario. Garner started getting questions, probably from her kids and her mother's garden club, so took to Facebook to clear the air.

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No, the article isn't real, and yes, she is fine.

It has been brought to my attention that there is a People magazine cover and article out today that appear to be coming...

Posted by Jennifer Garner on Wednesday, May 31, 2017

"I did not pose for this cover. I did not participate in or authorize this article," she wrote.

"While we are here, for what it's worth: I have three wonderful kids and my family is complete."

But as far as "life after heartbreak" goes, it all comes down to this:

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4. J.K. Rowling, because she continues to be the wizard of Twitter burns.

I solemnly swear that I am up to good burns.
I solemnly swear that I am up to good burns.
Getty

J.K. Rowling is as great at responding to trolls on Twitter as she is at creating modern classic children's literature that transcends the genre to become a hero's journey for our time.

Rowling is an advocate for the LGBTQ community (has she read my slashfiction yet?) and made a point to take on a homophobic troll who called her a "stupid dyke," insisting that "dyke" is an insult.

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Hit him right in the fragile masculinity.

Rowling has spoken up for LGBTQ people in the past, highlighting the true message of Harry Potter.

LOL, J.K.

3. The girl who saved her vacation pics post break-up, because now she has good memories with Zac Efron.

Bae watch.
Bae watch.
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Breakups don't only affect your future, they also affect your past.

When Baylee Woodward broke up with her boyfriend, suddenly all the pictures from a glorious vacation in the Bahamas were compromised because of his face.

So Woodward came up with a solution, the ultimate upgrade: photoshopping Zac Efron's face on the buff ex-boyfriend and saving the pictures.

Throw back to some great adventures in the last few months, can't wait to start this next adventure in my life solo...

Posted by Baylee Woodward on Monday, May 29, 2017

To quote High School Musical, "This could be the start of something new."

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It feels so right to be here with you.
It feels so right to be here with you.

2. The mayor of Pittsburgh, because he won't be Trumped.

The Pitts aint the pits.
The Pitts aint the pits.
Twitter: @billpeduto

In justifying his decision to withdraw from the Paris Climate Accords, an international agreement by every country but Syria and Nicaragua to commit to making the planet sustainable for human life, President Donald Trump said, "I was elected by voters of Pittsburgh, not Paris." While that alliteration is catchy, there are a few problems with this statement.

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Firstly, as the Pittsburgh mayor Bill Peduto notes on Twitter, Trump was NOT elected by the voters of Pittsbugh.

Secondly, um, Pittsburgh is on planet Earth and is invested in its future. Peduto criticized Trump's line with a series of powerful tweets, and made the rounds on cable news, saying, "no man, we want clean air and water. Leaving the agreement is bad."

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You go, Pittsburgh. And go Penguins!

Keep the air clear for this kid alone.
Keep the air clear for this kid alone.
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1. Scripps National Spelling Bee champion Ananya Vinya, because she spelled her way to greatness.

With the word "marocain," 12-year-old Ananya Vinya has cemented her place in the pantheon of spellers, becoming a hero in the age of autocorrect.

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The family's reaction is so adorable you can't help but sellibrate cellibreight celebrate too.