5. Donald Trump, because he hates this as much as you do.
One of the many articles we've read over and over this year—other than the classic "Trump supporters still support Trump!" trope—is insights into just how miserable this old, cranky man is in his new job and his new house.
"Before taking office, Mr. Trump told top aides to think of each presidential day as an episode in a television show in which he vanquishes rivals," The New York Times reported. But instead, Mr. President's days are filled with an "hour-by-hour battle for self-preservation," in which he "spends at least four hours a day, and sometimes as much as twice that, in front of a television, sometimes with the volume muted, marinating in the no-holds-barred wars of cable news and eager to fire back."
A simple peep at his tweets presents a sad, sad man in pursuit of praise.
His approval ratings are in the toilet—you know, that place where he tweets. Other than his golf trips forcing taxpayer money into his pockets, his business is suffering as the name Trump has ceased to become synonymous with "gaudy luxury" and now means "America in decline."
Sure, he managed to pass a tax bill that will personally make him millions and is on track to reshape the federal judiciary in a way that suppresses civil rights for generations, but in addition to ruining America, he's also ruining his life.
4. Harvey Weinstein, because he finally faced consequences for his actions.
After decades of running an efficient, weaponized assault machine, mega-producer Harvey Weinstein was finally exposed for exposing himself. A bombshell duo of exposés in The New York Times and The New Yorker (the latter magazine even revealing that Weinstein hired former Mossad agents to try and discredit his accusers) broke the dam and miraculously welcomed a new world in which women were believed and taken seriously.
Weinstein lost his company, his marriage, and saw his last name become synonymous with sexual misconduct (thoughts and prayers go to all the innocent men and women out there who just happen to have the same generic Jewish last name).
The reign of Weinstein is over—and the kingdoms of men just like him are tumbling down.
3. Martin Shkreli, because he managed to get charged with a white collar crime.
Do you know how hard it is to get punished for a white collar crime?
DONALD TRUMP IS PRESIDENT. That's how hard it is.
Oh, and while he was awaiting sentencing for his fraud conviction, my dude was jailed for posting on Facebook that he'd offer $5,000 to anyone who yanks off a lock of Hillary Clinton's hair during her book tour.
2. Roy Moore, because he turned Alabama blue.
Thank the Lord—no, not the lord that Moore insists he's a vessel of—that Alabama voters concluded that NO, IT IS NOT.
And still, Moore and his horse Sassy have yet to ride off into the sunset, as a week and a half after his loss to Doug Jones, Moore still REFUSES TO CONCEDE.
As if having to be removed from the Alabama state supreme court twice (TWICE!) wasn't a bad enough reputation, Moore will now go down in history as the child molester who helped turn Alabama blue (well, purple) for the first time in decades.
1. All women.
Being a woman in America in 2017 meant waking up in a country where a sexual predator is president, checking the news to read about sexual predators in Hollywood, and taking a break from Hollywood perverts to read about the ones in Congress.
Needless to say, it sucked.
But things are looking up: a record number of women are running for office in 2018, and #TheResistance is only getting stronger and more organized.
While 2017 was bad for both women and perverts alike, next year belongs to women.