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1. Stephen Colbert Narrowly Beats Your Improv-Performing Friend Out To Replace David Letterman

CBS today announced that Stephen Colbert—host of Comedy Central's The Colbert Report—was chosen to replace David Letterman as the host of The Late Show, instead of that friend of yours who does improv and has, like, 5K Twitter followers and keeps saying that he should be be the next host as if it were a joke even though you kind of get the impression he's more than a little bit serious. Comedy Central has apparently started looking for a replacement for Colbert for when his contract expires at the end of the year, so maybe your friend can get in on that.