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1. Hillary Clinton Expected To Make Some Kind Of Major Announcement This Weekend

According to a source close to Hillary Clinton, the former senator and Secretary of State is planning to make a mysterious major career announcement this Sunday. Pundits and journalists nationwide are currently wracking their brains in an effort to figure out what it could possible be.


2. Italian Surgeon To Perform World's First Head Transplant, Or World First Body Transplant, Depending On Your Point Of View

A 30-year-old Russian man with a terminal muscle wasting disease will be the first person to undergo a controversial head transplant from Italian mad-scientist surgeon Sergio Canavero. “Am I afraid? Yes, of course I am,” Valery Spiridonov told The Daily Mail. “It is not just very scary, but also very interesting... you have to understand that I don't really have many choices."