1. Heroic Former Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton Bravely Faces Down Projectile Shoe

Hillary Clinton was nearly hit with a flying shoe yesterday while speaking before a convention audience in Las Vegas. "What was that, a bat?" Clinton asked the stunned crowd. "Is that somebody throwing something at me? Is that part of Cirque du Soleil?" The woman who threw the shoe—who is neither a flying mammal nor an employee of Cirque du Soleil—was taken into custody and is currently facing criminal charges.