1. Hillary Clinton Bashing Season Is Officially Open

With Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign now official, Americans have received the all clear signal to begin meticulously tearing her down, molecule by molecule, over the course of the next 18 months. This started yesterday, when every conservative politician in the country climbed over one another to condemn her on Sunday talk shows and continues today as every person with an Internet connection provided us with a detailed critique of her campaign logo.

2. Marco Rubio Kicks Off Campaign To Be Jeb Bush's Running Mate

Sen. Marco Rubio announced to top Republican donors today that he intends to run for president, thus informing top Republican donors that he intends to fill the vice presidential slot on the Republican ticket, be that alongside Jeb Bush, Scott Walker or whomever else happens to win the primaries.