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1. Aaron Hernandez Officially Has Shittier Lawyers Than OJ Simpson

Former New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez has been found guilty today of first-degree murder for the killing of Odin Lloyd in the summer of 2013 and sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. Not only is this sentence is being hailed as a victory for the justice system, but it is believed to dramatically decrease the possibility of a reality show centered around the gleefully shallow family of one of the defense attorneys.