1. Sandra Bullock Begins Her One Year Reign As 'World's Most Beautiful Woman'

People Magazine announced today that it has chosen actress Sandra Bullock to serve humanity as its most attractive female specimen for one year. She takes over for actress Lupita Nyong'o, who received the same honor last year but has now been relegated to un-noteworthy banality along with the rest of us.

2. Ben Affleck Admits Embarrassment Over His Ancestors Owning Other People's Ancestors

Actor/director Ben Affleck has apologized for asking PBS to hide the fact that his ancestors were slave-owners on the show, Finding Your Roots. "I regret my initial thoughts that the issue of slavery not be included in the story. We deserve neither credit nor blame for our ancestors," he wrote on Facebook yesterday. "While I don't like that the guy is an ancestor, I am happy that aspect of our country's history is being talked about." Luckily for him, he is still blissfully unaware of the countless stream of murderers, rapists and moral reprobates that make up the vast lineage of our shared human ancestry.