5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 23, 2014

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 23, 2014
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 23, 2014

1. Stephen Colbert Swings By 'The Late Show' Studio To Measure The Drapes

Stephen Colbert last night made his first Late Show appearance since the announcement that he would he taking over hosting duties when David Letterman retires next year. After reading a sample Top Ten list he and his writing partner Paul Dinello submitted 17 years prior, before a not-fully-comfortable-with-all-this-looking Letterman, the two snapped a selfie for the Internet. 


2. 'Vice' Reporter Unwillingly Embedded In Ukrainian 'Place Of Residence'

Simon Ostrovsky—an American journalist covering Russia's expansionist activities in eastern Ukraine—is currently the "guest" of a pro-Russian military group in the war-torn region. "There's nothing wrong with Ostrovsky. He is with us, he is feeling well and in a clean place," the leader of the separatist rebels stated. "He is not a hostage but our guest. We only gave him a place of residence."

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3. Peoria, Illinois Mayor Defends Decision To Wield Absolute Despotic Power Over His Cowering Subjects

Long-time mayor of Peoria, Illinois Jim Ardis doesn't see what the big deal is about him using city funds to track down and harass some twenty-something-year-old guy who was making fun on him online with the @Peoriamayor Twitter account, which has since been deactivated. He claims that he is "a victim of sexual doggerel and filth," which no politician should ever have to suffer gladly. The offending satirist has been arrested for possession of marijuana, which is in the process of being decriminalized in the state.

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4. Justin Bieber Apologizes To China For Stirring Up Bad Feelings Surrounding Some Old Thing Called A 'Second World War'

Pop singer Justin Bieber, who is currently touring through Asia, apologized for accidentally offending citizens of China by tweeting a picture of a Japanese shrine commemorating the nation's World War II veterans. Apparently, a lot of Chinese people are still kind of upset over how those Japanese soldiers tortured Chinese citizens during the war. Also apparently, World War II was the second of two wars that happened all over the world a long time ago, back in olden, black-and-white times.

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5. Band Leader For 'The Tonight Show' Writes Stirring Polemic Against The Selling-Out Of Hip-Hop

Questlove—drummer and leader of the respected hip-hop group The Roots, which can be seen every weeknight at 11:30 pm providing music and playful camaraderie with Jimmy Fallon on NBC's The Tonight Show—has written a very thoughtful essay entitled "How Hip-Hop Failed Black America" for Vulture. Here he is with his band, playing "Let It Go," from the Disney blockbuster film Frozen, on a bunch of toy instruments:

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