5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 30, 2015

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 30, 2015
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1. Bernie Sanders Tells America Not To Underestimate His Hopeless, Symbolic Presidential Campaign

Independent Sen. Bernie Sanders—whom I'm pretty sure doesn't actually think he has any greater chance of betting Hillary Clinton in 2016 than the rest of us do—warned America not to belittle his presidential campaign because he kind of has to. "People should not underestimate me," Sanders said in an interview with The Associated Press. "I've run outside of the two-party system, defeating Democrats and Republicans, taking on big-money candidates and, you know, I think the message that has resonated in Vermont is a message that can resonate all over this country." Anyway, he should be fun.


2. Jay-Z To Hold Concert For People Who Accidentally Subscribed To 'Tidal'

Jay-Z has promised to perform in "exclusive concerts" for people who sign up for his new music streaming service Tidal. Seems like he's really gunning for the people who can't figure out how to unsubscribe from music services market.


3. Science Creates Intelligent Bullet—Humanity Begins Tidying Up Its Affairs

The Pentagon's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency has apparently developed a type of bullet that is able to change course in mid-air in order to better hit a moving target or to potentially seek revenge against its cruel human master who pointlessly fired its entire family into brick wall for no apparent reason earlier in the week.

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4. Chinese Construction Company Builds Skyscraper In Less Time Than It Takes To Fill In A Pot Hole In NYC

A Hunan Province-based Chinese construction company successfully completed a 57-story building—with office space for 4,000 workers and 800 apartments for tenants—in just 19 days, using a modular process akin to erecting a structure with Lego blocks. "With the traditional method, they have to build a skyscraper brick by brick, but with our method, we just need to assemble the blocks," a spokesperson for Broad Sustainable Building Co. explained. Very cool, but you don't want to know how bad it hurts if you accidentally step on one of its 2,700 modules in the middle of the night.

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5. McDonald's Is Simplifying Its Menu In Controversial Move That Could Anger Its Intellectual Customer Base

McDonald's is discontinuing nine sandwiches—including the Quarter Pounder Deluxe and six variants of chicken sandwiches—in order to condense its excessively large number of menu items amidst flagging sales. "There will be further moves on menu simplification coming up now, because we have a number of tests in place," chain CEO Steve Easterbrook said during a conference call last week. I really hope they don't dumb down the menu too much. It would be a shame if they lost the entire backstory to family of snack wraps.

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