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1. Did Assad's 11-Year-Old Kid Just Call You A Little Bitch, America?

Syrian president Bashar al-Assad's 11-year-old son, or somebody claiming to be him, took to Facebook the other day to tell America that it doesn't have the guts to launch a military attack against his old man's country. After goading the U.S. for failing to strike yet, Hafez Assad, who really seems to have a knack for cutting right to the bone of his target, wrote "America doesn’t have soldiers, what it has is some cowards with new technology who claim themselves liberators." Obama has yet to give word on whether or not we'll be attacking Syria after recess.