1. The Interview's Premiere Cancelled So As Not To Offend Murderous Terrorists
Sony Pictures Entertainment has decided to cancel the New York City premiere of Seth Rogen and James Franco's upcoming film The Interview after a terrorist group calling themselves the "Guardians of Peace" threatened violent attacks on any theaters showing it. The motion picture company is also allowing theaters to back out of deals to show the comedy about an assassination attempt on North Korean leader Kim Jong-un just more than a week before its scheduled Christmas day release date. This unprecedented situation really makes you think: where were these people when A Million Ways To Die In The West was released?
Fuck it, now I WILL go see The Interview.— Shane Nickerson (@shanenickerson) December 17, 2014
Not going to let patriotism trick me into seeing The Interview.— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) December 17, 2014
2. American Apparel Hires Its First Female CEO To Oversee Objectification Of Its Models
Veteran fashion executive Paula Schneider has been named American Apparel's first female CEO, following founder Dov Charney's ouster for allegations of sexual misconduct back in June. It remains to be seen if the clothing company will be able to maintain its edge as an industry leader in sexual creepiness under her leadership.
American Apparel is sweatshop-free. But they do keep all their models in a small pen behind their factory.— Keating Thomas (@keatingthomas) August 4, 2014
3. Science: Real Men Prefer Their Food As Painful As Chemically Possible
Higher testosterone levels seem to correlate with a greater taste for spicy foods, according to a new study released by University of Grenoble in France. This may mean that "alpha males" are more drawn to hot sauces due to all of the manliness inside them. "It is also possible that the regular consumption of spicy food contributes to increasing testosterone levels," one researcher explained, "although so far this has only been demonstrated on rodents." So, if you see your Tinder date slathering his bacon-wrapped steak in Sriracha, he might be a real man. Or he might secretly be a rat.
I'm one of those bros who puts hot sauce on everything. Cars, socks, dog leashes, everything. Don't like it that much on food though.— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) October 12, 2014
4. Comedy Central Unveils First Trailer For Show That Will Be Unfairly Compared To The Colbert Report
The first promotional ad for Comedy Central's The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore—which will be replacing the wildly popular and critically acclaimed Colbert Report after The Daily Show—was released online yesterday. The half-hour comedic news program with a bent toward racial issues is set to premiere on January 19 at 11:30 pm EST, with unreasonable comparisons to its predecessor anticipated shortly thereafter.
Great first day at my new job as writer on 'The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore.' I must have stolen at least 20 staplers.— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) December 2, 2014
5. Study: People Who Exercise Are Polluting The Air With Their Fat
According to a new study out of Australia, when people burn fat through exercise, the majority of their spent adipose tissue is converted into carbon dioxide and exhaled into the atmosphere where it contributes to global warming, glacial melting and the starvation of millions of innocent polar bears. Think about that next time you get ready to step onto the elliptical machine.
Want to lose weight? Eat smaller portions and exercise. After reaching your desired weight, throw up on everyone's face.— Nick Youssef (@NickYoussef) November 20, 2014