5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - December 18, 2013

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - December 18, 2013
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - December 18, 2013

1. Harvard Student Who Called In Fake Bomb Threat Successfully Dodges Final Exam... As Well As Next Several Years Of His Life Possibly

Eldo Kim—the 20-year-old Harvard student who called in a bogus bomb threat in an effort to get out of a final exam earlier this week—is being held on federal bomb hoax charges and faces up to five years in prison. On the plus side, he did manage to get out of that exam.


2. Hero Seeing Eye Dog Jumps Onto Subway Tracks To Save Owner Or possibly So They Can Both Die Together — It's Hard To Tell

A blind New York man and his seeing eye dog both miraculously survived being run over by a subway train yesterday. After the man suffered a dizzy spell and fell onto the tracks, his dog jumped after him in an effort to get him to safety. The train rolled over both of them causing only minor injuries to the man. The dog has no idea why people keep taking its picture, but he probably likes the attention.

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3. Canadian Lottery Winner Blows Entire $40 Million Jackpot On Useless Cancer Research

A Canadian lottery winner who lost his wife to cancer last year has decided to give the entirety of his $40 million winnings to cancer research in an effort to save lives instead of using the money to ruin his own.

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4. Kansas News Anchor Invited By Station To "Get The F**k Out Of Here" Forever

Justin Kraemer—the Wichita, Kansas news anchor who became an Internet sensation after he accidentally spoke the words "Let's get the fuck out of here," into a hot mic at the end of his news broadcast on Saturday night has reportedly been fired. "At least I’m real," Kraemer has said. "If I have an epitaph, that’s what it is." Not a bad fucking epitaph, really.

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5. Tourist Falls Off Pier While Checking Facebook On Phone Instead Of Being Thrown Off By Locals

A Taiwanese tourist fell off a pier on Port Phillip Bay in Victoria, Australia Monday night after becoming so focused on the Facebook feed on her phone that she literally lost all sense of self-preservation. She was pulled from the water by a police boat but, because her phone was destroyed in the water, was unable to update her status until she got to a computer.

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