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1. A&E Unfires Phil Robertson From 'Duck Dynasty' To The Great Surprise Of Exactly Zero People

A&E Networks has announced that it will be allowing Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson to return from from the "indefinite hiatus" he's been on for the past several weeks—following some homophobic and racist comments he made during a magazine interview—during which time the show was not actually filming any episodes, thus achieving the company's apparent goal of looking weak and silly to people on both side of the controversy.