5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - February 19, 2014

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - February 19, 2014
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1. George Zimmerman Chased Out Of Miami By Angry Mob Of George Zimmermans

Infamous vigilante George Zimmerman was chased out of Miami last week, where his family was vacationing, by a crowd of angry vigilantes. There may even be a $10,000 bounty on his head, placed there by a misguided person who feels empowered to exact justice outside the confines of the law. 

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2. Hot Pockets Recalled For Being Even Worse For You Than They're Supposed To Be

Nestlé is recalling several batches of its Hot Pockets after the company became aware that the microwavable food-like products contained "diseased" meat. Customers may experience gastronomic distress after eating the Hot Pockets. More so if they're the ones with bad meat.

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3. Confused Chinese Zoo Tigers Want No Part Of Guy's Crazy Suicide Attempt 

A depressed Chinese man who attempted suicide by trying to feed himself to tigers in the country's Chengdu Zoo was pulled from the confused and annoyed animals' enclosure after they refused to devour him.

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4. Outraged Mother Saves Utah's Youth By Purchasing $600 Worth Of Store's 'Offensive' T-Shirts

A Utah mother was so distraught by seeing images of scantily-clad women being displayed on t-shirts in a PacSun store that she bought up the store's entire supply of offensive t-shirts to teach those smut peddlers a lesson.

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5. Stoned Driving Found To Be Less Dangerous Than Drunk Driving, But More Dangerous Than Staying Home And Playing 'Grand Theft Auto 5'

According to a new study, a driver who is under the influence of marijuana is twice as likely to cause an automobile accident as a sober one, while a driver who is drunk is twenty times as likely. So, clearly, we should all just stay home and get drunk and high where there aren't all these dangerous assholes driving around.

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