5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - February 20, 2014

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - February 20, 2014
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1. Facebook Buys WhatsApp Messaging App For $19 Billion So That They Can Ruin Whatever Was Good About It

Facebook just spent $19 billion on a messaging app called WhatsApp that most people just heard of because Facebook spent $19 billion dollars to buy it.


2. Pussy Riot Beaten With Whips By Sochi Police For Suggesting Russia Is A Brutal Police State 

Members of the Russian punk band Pussy Riot were attacked by police in Sochi earlier today as they attempted to sing a protest song about the brutality of the current Russian regime. Where they acquired such notions is currently unknown.

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3. Maybe Consider Postponing Your Ukrainian Vacation Plans —  Violence Surrounding Protests Getting Worse

The violence surrounding anti-government protests in Kiev, Ukraine continues to increase, as reports emerge that at least 100 people have been killed and many more injured since skirmishes between police and protesters started last week.

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4. Google Fiber May Be Coming To Save You From The Comcast/Time Warner Frankenstein Conglomerate

Google Fiber has announced that it is bringing its super-fast gigabit Internet service to 34 new cities in the coming months, including Portland, Atlanta and Salt Lake City. If you don't happen to live in one of the relatively few cities with this service, you will unfortunately have to continue living under the dystopian yoke of the two-headed Comcast/Time Warner monster, otherwise known as the service you've had for years now. 

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5. Miley Cyrus Fans Who Have Apparently Not Been Watching Her For The Past Year Scandalized By Her Explicit Live Show

Some fans of Miley Cyrus want the very openly sexually suggestive pop performer to shut down her current concert tour due to the shockingly sexually suggestive nature of her performances. If only there were some way they could have known to expect such sexually suggestive imagery.

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