1. Emma Watson Tries In Vain To Convince Half Of World Population That Other Half Isn't So Bad

UN Women Goodwill Ambassador and part-time movie star Emma Watson spoke at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland earlier today in a valiant attempt to drum up support for global gender equality. The fact that we are somehow still wrestling with this issue in the year 2015 will make you feel sooooo much better about #5 on this list.

2. Guy With 5 Mansions Concerned That Poor People Live Too Opulently

Billionaire and potential Kaufman-esque performance artist Jeff Greene used his speech in Davos as an opportunity to warn everyone that they are spending way too much money and should try to be happy living in mud huts or whatever. "America's lifestyle expectations are far too high and need to be adjusted so we have less things and a smaller, better existence," the man who owns a $195 million mansion and private jet explained. "We need to reinvent our whole system of life."