5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - January 28, 2014

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - January 28, 2014
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1. Angry Birds Turn Out To Be Two-Faced Rats — Your Games Are Feeding Info To The NSA

According to the New York Times, Angry Birds and other popular phone apps contain code written by the NSA that reveals information about the user to the government agency. Now it all makes sense! No birds without anything to hide have those kinds of emotional issues.


2. Hero Man Risks Life In Burning Home To Save Defenseless Xbox

A Kansas man nearly died of smoke-inhalation after rushing into his burning home to save his beloved Xbox. Neither the man nor the gaming system sustained any permanent damage.  

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3. Many Colorado Citizens Prefer Their Pot To Have That Certain Illegal Flavor

Despite the fact that marijuana is now legal in Colorado, many state residents are still choosing to buy their pot the old fashioned way: illegally from a guy with bad skin who for inexplicable reasons never wears socks.


4. One Of The Many Bald Guys From 'Breaking Bad' Will Bring His Baldness To 'Better Call Saul'

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Remember that one bald guy from Breaking Bad? No, not that bald guy, the other bald guy. No, the bald guy who worked for Saul Goodman. Right, Jonathan Banks. That bald guy! Turns out he's gonna play a bald guy on the prequel spin-off series Better Call Saul.


5. Indiana Family Reportedly Possessed By 200 Demons, Which Is Probably Too Many Demons

The soon-to-be Pulitzer-winning newspaper The Indiana Star just broke a huge story about a Gary family who are being tormented by more than 200 demons, who force the family to perform magic tricks like levitating and walking up the wall backwards. And before you get all skeptical, this has all been corroborated by the local police and Child Protective Services, so don't even try to poke holes in this story that will change everything we know about science and metaphysics.

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