5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - January 29, 2015

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - January 29, 2015
Advertising
5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - January 29, 2015

1. GOP Comes To Defense Of Movie About Patriot Who Kills Foreigners From Safe Distance

The National Republican Senatorial Committee is asking conservative moviegoers to sign a petition in support of Clint Eastwood's Oscar-nominated blockbuster film American Sniper, which has been the victim of several mean-spirited comments by anti-American liberals like Michael Moore and Bill Maher. Hopefully, their efforts will supplement the hundreds of millions of dollars in box office receipts in comforting the film's creators.


2. Taylor Swift Too Much Of A Goody Two-Shoes To Worry About Hacked Nudes

Taylor Swift was relatively unfazed by the cyberattack on her telephone account, telling hackers who claim to have nude photos of her to "Have fun photoshopping cause you got NOTHING." The pop singer's display of confidence is being seen by many people as confirmation that she is in fact a sentient sugar-coated cinnamon stick.


3. Kanye West Says He Is No Longer A Two-Year-Old Child

While talking to Ellen DeGeneres on her daytime talk show earlier today, adult hiphop artist Kanye West seemed to imply that he will not be acting like his diaper-wearing daughter anymore. "I think I was going through my version of my terrible twos," West said of his multiple onstage and on-air tantrums over the past few years. "My daughter, she wants to express herself, she just doesn't have the words for it. And for me, there's so many things I want to do with film, with clothing, and I just didn't have the words or the resources or the backing or the perception that I could do it being that I was a rapper or all these things."

Advertising



4. Sarah Palin Is Mad That People Don't Treat Her Seriously Just Because She Is Unserious

Sarah Palin—the former governor of Alaska who quit midway through her first term in order to capitalize on the newfound fame that came with her vice presidential nomination, before then starring in her reality TV show and going on several publicity tours for no particular reason—is hopping mad that conservative pundits desperate to see a strong conservative politician in the White House are not taking her possible candidacy with the seriousness it deserves.

Advertising



5. Scientists Close To Ending Mr. Peanut's Reign Of Terror

Australian researchers at the Murdoch Children's Research Institute think they may be close to finding a cure for the peanut allergy that makes lunchtime at friends' houses such a harrowing endeavor for so many kids around the globe.

Advertising