1. Cigarette Companies Merge To Create Enormous $27 Billion Smoke Golem Of Death
Cigarette manufacturers Reynolds American and Lorillard have announced that they are joining together in a $27 billion merger to create a tobacco company capable of engaging in fierce battle with Marlboro on the smoking peaks of Mount Cancer.
Smoking cigarettes also greatly increases the risks of looking super cool.— Clarke Kant (@clarkekant) June 20, 2014
2. Rand Paul and Rick Perry Begin Pummeling Each In The Press In Preparation Of GOP Primary Season