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1. Dark Days Continue For Bigoted Nerds — Marvel Announces New Thor Will Have Weird Lady Parts

It's been a rough couple years for pasty white comic-book dorks who get enraged at the thought that the world of nerddom might not revolve around their pasty white asses. First, they had to deal with a half-black/half-Latino Spider-man. Then came the Muslim Ms. Marvel and the all-woman X-Men team. Now, their beloved God of Thunder is going to have prominent boobs. Marvel announced yesterday on The View yesterday that, for the first time ever, a woman will wield Thor's mighty hammer Mjolnir. The same one that was once carried by an alien horse named Beta Ray Bill.