1. Robert Downey, Jr. Tops List Of Hollywood Actors Making More Money Than Is Probably Healthy
For the second consecutive year, Sherlock Holmes and Iron Man star Robert Downey, Jr. has been listed as the actor who's pulling in the most dangerously enormous amount of money. With $75 million funneled into his already-overflowing bank account since last June, the charismatic actor out-earned Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson by about $23 million.
I love Robert Downey Jr's sexy cocky guy persona. It never gets old. I hope it's not an "act" and that he's an asshole in real life too.— Elisha Yaffe (@elishayaffe) January 13, 2014
2. Air Conditions In Western Wisconsin Are Currently 66% Humidity, 85% Flying Insects
Western Wisconsin residents who live along the Mississippi River are currently experiencing a blight of mayflies so massive that clouds of the flying insects are showing up as weather patterns on radar screens and the entire landscape is covered with a buzzing insectoid blanket. Luckily, the little guys live for under a day, so Midwesterners will only have to deal with billions upon billions of mayfly cadavers in the coming weeks.
"It just seems a bit mental to me that mayflies only live for a day. I wouldn't bother. I'd say: "forget it". Karl Pilkington— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) June 24, 2013
3. Wealthy NYC Tenants To Be Spared Humiliation Of Walking Through Same Door As Poor People
The developers of a new high-rise building in Manhattan have received approval from the city to create one entrance for the wealthy tenants of the structure's luxury apartments and another, separate entrance for foul-smelling poor people who prefer to live in squalor inside the building's low rent hovels. All residents will unfortunately have access to the same nearby streets and sidewalks.
You can't please everyone, so it's probably better to focus on the rich people.— Steve Schneider (@stvschndr) July 8, 2014
4. Sheriff Concerned Orange Prison Jumpsuits Might No Longer Be Sufficiently Debasing
The sheriff of Saginaw County, Michigan is a bit perturbed that some prison inmates are still retaining some sense of humanity while wearing the formerly standard-issue bright orange prison jumpsuits. So, he's seeing to it that inmates begin wearing black-and-white striped suits instead. That is until they start not hating them, at which point he'll likely move on to pink or aquamarine or something. Because we can't have our prisoners leaving the system with any lingering shreds of self-worth.
The only clothing that seems to go with my new mustache is a bright orange jumpsuit.— Bob Heller (@Bob_Heller) November 26, 2012
5. If Philip Seymour Hoffman's Kids Want To Become Spoiled Hollywood Douches, They'll Have To Do It On Their Own
Actor Philip Seymour Hoffman was worth about $35 million when he tragically died of a heroin overdose back in February. However, his three children won't be receiving a penny of that money, as the actor apparently wanted to save his kids from the trauma of growing up with as much money as all of their Hollywood children friends.
but nobody cares that I left Philip Seymour Hoffman's kids nothing— Sarah Burton (@NotRubHarass) July 22, 2014
(by Dennis DiClaudio)