1. The Hottest New Craze: Taking A Picture Of Yourself Risking Human Lives At The Tour De France
Fueled in equal measures by excessive narcissism and an apparent desire to make long-distance bicycle riding somewhat interesting, people have been going crazy taking Tour de France selfies. In case that needs clarification, that's pictures of themselves at a sporting event in which they are not active participants. All this to the extreme annoyance of the cyclists, who seem to to have their hands pretty full racing from France to Britain without also having to dodge self-obsessed idiots playing with their iPhones.
2. Ingrate Audience Members Unable To Appreciate Unparalled Genius Of Kanye West's 20-Minute Stream-Of-Consciousness Monologues
Kanye West was booed by two separate audiences in London over the weekend after all of those unappreciative dummies failed to grasp the transformative brilliance that was the hip-hop mogul's long diatribes about how nobody appreciates him. "I'm not going to mention any names but... Nike, Louis Vuitton, and Gucci. Don't discriminate against me 'cause I'm a black man making music," West demanded at one point.