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1. We're 87 Percent Sure That Martin O'Malley Doesn't Really Think He's Going To Win The Democratic Nomination

Former Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley announced over the weekend that he will be seeking the Democratic nomination for president in 2016. He has yet to clarify whether this is an act of pure delusion or if he maybe just has a book coming out soon.


2. Big Tobacco Ordered To Pay Smokers $12 Billion, Roughly The Cost Of 13 Packs Of Cigarettes

A Canadian judge has ruled that three of the biggest tobacco companies must pay $12 billion dollars to Quebec smokers for not providing information on the health risks associated with smoking. "The companies earned billions of dollars at the expense of the lungs, the throats, and the general well-being of their customers," Superior Court Justice Brian Riordan wrote. JTI-Macdonald, Imperial Tobacco, and Rothmans, Benson & Hedges say they plan to appeal black, tarry infringement of justice.