1. Sepp Blatter Relieves Himself From FIFA

Sepp Blatter has announced that he is resigning as President of FIFA after 17 years on the job. It is assumed that this comes in response to a mounting investigation from the FBI for possible incidents of corruption, though it's always possible that the 79-year-old man simply wants to spend more time collecting bribes from his family.

2. Mike Huckabee Laments The Fact That He's Not Transgender

Mike Huckabee is coming under fire from the media this week for a joke her made about transgender people back in February. "I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE," Huckabee told an audience at the National Religious Broadcasters Convention in Nashville, Tennessee. "I'm pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, 'Coach, I think I'd rather shower with the girls today.'" You see that? Thoughtless, creepy and intolerant all in one comment. That's how you win a GOP primary.