1. Taylor Swift Just Bought TaylorSwift.porn For Reasons That Are Probably Way More Boring Than You'd Like To Believe
Now that a bunch of new Internet domains have been made available for purchase, Taylor Swift's management company has picked up both TaylorSwift.porn and TaylorSwift.adult in order to keep her online brand squeaky clean, family friendly and as asexual as possible.
2. TedCruz.com Comes Out Against Ted Cruz's Candidacy — No Word Yet From TedCruz.porn
New presidential candidate Sen. Ted Cruz apparently did not have the same foresight as Taylor Swift. The Republican candidate somehow forgot about an incredibly unpopular and rarely seen domain called ".com." The person who purchased TedCruz.com is using it to oppose the Texas conservative, imploring visitors to "SUPPORT PRESIDENT OBAMA. IMMIGRATION REFORM NOW!"
Welp, Ted Cruz was the first to start running and now he has a huge head start so that means he's president. Be faster next time idiots.— James Adomian (@JAdomian) March 23, 2015
3. We Just Found A Super Secret Nazi Clubhouse In The Jungle
A team of archeologists from the University of Buenos Aires have discovered a secret Nazi hideout deep in the jungles of Argentina. The three ruined stone buildings—which contained German coins from the late 1930s, porcelain pieces stamped "Made in Germany," and swastikas on the walls—are believed to have been built as a sanctuary for Nazi officers on the off-chance that things went poorly for the Third Reich during WWII.
Of all the sitcoms about Nazis, Hogan's Heroes holds up the best.— Anthony DeVito (@AnthonyDeVito) February 28, 2015
4. Supreme Court Decides Against Making Voting Easy For Poor Minorities
The U.S. Supreme Court today decided against hearing a challenge to Wisconsin's controversial voter ID law which has been found to disproportionately frustrate poor and minority citizens' ability to vote. Before you get too concerned about this, let me assuage your fears: poor, minority corporations are completely unaffected by this decision.
Maybe we should just call the entire electoral process "Voter Fraud."— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) November 3, 2014
5. You Can Now Smell (More) Like Cheeseburgers
Burger King is making a limited-edition Whopper-scented perfume available to Japanese customers. The $40 "Flame Grilled" fragrance will not be sold in the United States, as it was almost certainly deemed redundant.
I will not buy Burger King perfume. I'm holding out for Funyuns cologne.— Mark Justice (@MarkJustice) March 23, 2015