1. Angelina Jolie Made A Hard Decision In Order To Protect Our Supply Of Angelina Jolie

Actress/filmmaker/professional-attractive-person Angelina Jolie is one of our nation's greatest natural resources, so it came as a terrible shock to people everywhere when she revealed in a New York Times editorial today that she had her ovaries removed due to a cancer risk. Jolie—who underwent a preventive double mastectomy in 2013—explained the decision for surgery that she made after doctors found signs that could point to early-stage cancer: "There was still a chance of early stage cancer, but that was minor compared with a full-blown tumor. To my relief, I still had the option of removing my ovaries and fallopian tubes and I chose to do it." Hopefully, her choice will keep the Angelina flowing for years to come.