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1. Russia Has Stolen All Of Ukraine's Good Espionage Dolphins And Left Them With Just The Dumb Ones That Do Back Flips

While taking control of all Ukrainian military installations in Crimea, Russia has in effect stolen the Eastern European country's entire spying dolphin program, which is based in the now-Russian city of Sevastopol. These highly-intelligent mammals are said to be capable of skewering divers with harpoons strapped to their backs and delivering explosives to enemy sea vessels, which might be a little more useful than jumping through hoops.