5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - March 29, 2014

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - March 29, 2014
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1. Ethnically-Diverse Young Voters Oddly Unwilling To Affiliate Themselves With Political Party For Old Straight White Dudes

According to a new Gallup report, 18-to-29-year-old voters—who are increasingly racially diverse—are more likely to identify as Democrats than at any time in the recent past, with 54% to the 36% who identify as Republicans. Top Republicans in finely decorated wood-paneled smoking rooms are emphatically harrumphing at the news.


2. NASA Wants Your Help Choosing Which Ridiculous-Looking Space Suit They're Going To Waste Their Money On Next

NASA is asking the citizenry to vote on and help it choose from three equally weird-looking outer shell designs for its new Z-2 technologically enhanced space suit that will never be put to use due to budget cuts and decreased public interest in any kind of science that can't fit inside a smartphone.

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3. Some Guy Is Drinking Beer All Day Every Day For Lent, Unlike All The People Who Are Doing It Just Because

A devout Anglican from Canada has decided to give up food for Lent and is attempting to survive the forty days of solemn religious observance by only drinking a thick, highly caloric, dark beer called dopplebock, which was used by monks during times of fasting. Despite what many may assume, "it definitely is not fun; it’s challenging," the 33-year-old stated on his blog. This might explain why your Uncle Paulie is always so angry at Thanksgiving.

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4. New Study Shows Legally Entangling Your Life With Another Human Being Who Will Eventually Grow To Hate You Has Some Health Benefits

A new study from New York University's Langone Medical Center has found that marriage may lower a person's risk of contracting heart disease by about five percent. See? We knew there had to be some upside to that whole thing.

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5. High-Tech Holographic Amy Winehouse Projection To Carry On Singer's Desire To Revitalize Old Fashioned R&B Music

In what can only be described as the greatest, most appropriate idea ever, R&B singer Amy Winehouse—who died of accidental alcohol poisoning in 2011—may continue her musical career in the form of a 3D hologram projected onto a stage, via the same technology used to digitally exhume and exploit performers like Tupac Shakur.

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