5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - March 8, 2014

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - March 8, 2014
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1. Sorry, Creepy Weirdos Of Massachusetts — It's Once Again Illegal To Sneak Upskirt Photos Of Strange Women

Just one day after Massachusetts' Supreme Judicial Court decided that secretly taking pictures of women's "sexual or intimate parts" underneath their skirts did not violate existing sexual harassment laws, the state's legislature passed a brand new law making the exceptionally pathetic and disturbing practice illegal once again.


2. Barack Obama Gets So Little Respect, He Can't Even Spell The Word

While addressing a crowd at a "Women of Soul" performance in the White House last night, President Obama misspelled a classic Aretha Franklin lyric as "R-S-P-E-C-T," giving uncles and grandfathers across the nation something to howl with laughter over for the next three months.

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3. Colorado Gets Some Marijuana DUI Ads That Are Probably Pretty Funny If Watched In The Right Mental State

Colorado unveiled a new series of television commercials aimed at reminding state residents that even though it's now legal to inject a few lines of marijuana here and there, driving while tripping on pot will still land you in jail.

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4. Random Number That Happened To Be Found Inside A Fortune Cookie Wins $2 Million For Bronx Woman

A 75-year-old Bronx woman won a $2 million Powerball jackpot after using numbers she found inside a fortune cookie, thus providing millions of desperate people who do not understand statistics with newfound hope.


5. New iPhone App Cruelly Taunts You Every Morning With Smell Of Make-Believe Bacon

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A new, limited edition app and dongle from Oscar Mayer allows iPhone users to wake up to the sound and smell of freshly fried bacon, so that they can begin their day with a huge disappointment right off the bat. 

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