5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - May 11, 2015

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - May 11, 2015
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1. Prince Releases Infectiously Danceable Song About Systemic Racism And Murder

The song of the summer is here, and it's drawing from that bottomless pool of pop music inspiration: the systemic harassment and murder of (mostly) young (mostly) black (mostly) males within an unfair and often racist system of power and authority. Prince premiered his funky new chart-topper "Baltimore"—dedicated to the memory of Freddie Gray, a young, black Baltimorean who recently died in police custody—at a benefit concert called "Rally 4 Peace" over the weekend.



2. Natalie Portman To Play Ruth Bader Ginsburg When She Was Young And Super Hot

Academy Award-winning actress Natalie Portman will be starring in the upcoming film On the Basis of Sex, in which she will play a manic pixie dream lawyer named Ruth Bader Ginsburg who overcomes countless obstacles to eventually becomes America's first Jewish female Supreme Court Justice and manages through persistence and whimsy to teach a cranky old judge named Antonin Scalia how to love again. (That last part might not be true.)

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3. Glenn Beck Thinks The Government Cares Enough About Him To Bother Killing Him

Conservative provocateur Glenn Beck announced on his Internet show that the recent riots that occurred in Baltimore were in fact set up by the U.S. government in order to give them an excuse for taking control of all the police agencies around the country. As though that news is not unsettling enough, Beck also revealed that he himself will almost certainly be assassinated by federal agents in the coming months to keep the public from having a strong leader. I'm really sorry to be the one to break all this to you. Looks like we have some tough times ahead.

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4. 'American Idol' Will No Longer Be Around For You To Not Watch

Fox has announced that it is canceling its long-running singing competition series American Idol, roughly nine years after the last time you watched an episode and six years since you've known the name of any winner.

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5. Scientists Figure Out Decent Enough Reason To Have A Bunch Of Chocolate Around The Lab

Using a collection of x-ray machines and microscopes powerful enough to measure objects on a scale of nanometers, scientists have finally figure out why chocolate gets chalky white after a while. Apparently, it's caused by fat migrating to the chocolate's surface. No word yet on when we'll have a cure for cancer.

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