1. 'Simpsons' Producer Wants To Offer Harry Shearer A Deal That Is... Excellent
The news that Harry Shearer is leaving The Simpsons hit the Internet like a ton of bricks this morning, reminding millions of people that the ground-breaking animated comedy is still on the air. The show's producer James L. Brooks, however, is still hoping that he can talk the actor—who provides the voice for roughly eight-sevenths of the characters on The Simpsons—into staying onboard, taking his frustrations over contract negotiations to Twitter, where most business deals are hammered out these days.
Hey, we tried. We're still trying. Harry, no kidding, let's talk.— james l. brooks (@canyonjim) May 14, 2015
Harry Shearer is leaving The Simpsons. Giving up that $400,000/episode salary is a small price to pay to get those 2 hours he works back.— Eli Braden (@EliBraden) May 14, 2015
2. House Of Representatives Votes Against NSA Data Collection, In Rare Decision To Actually Represent Interests Of The Public
The U.S. House of Representatives voted overwhelmingly to stop the National Security Agency's bulk collection of phone records from American citizens. Now we just need the Senate to do the same, the President to not veto it and the NSA to decide that it feels like following the law. We're almost there, people!
OMG it turns out the NSA was just spying on us to plan elaborate surprise birthday parties. Thanks for ruining it, Snowden!— Chris Schleicher (@cschleichsrun) May 7, 2015
3. A Full 40 Percent Of Republicans Don't Think The Government Is Planning To Invade Texas
This is surprising. Forty percent Republican voters do not believe that Barack Obama is preparing to deploy U.S. troops to invade and occupy the state of Texas. That's even more than the 32 percent who do believe in that remarkably silly conspiracy theory. Another 28 percent are still on the fence. You see, this is why the GOP primary debates is going to be the funny series on network television next year.
If I had to choose the way Obama will invade and conquer Texas I'd predict: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. By sea.— Bill Harnsberger (@BillinPortland) May 7, 2015
4. Natalie Portman To Play Every Famous Woman From U.S. History
Just days after we learning that Natalie Portman will play a young Ruth Bader Ginsburg in an upcoming biopic, we're now learning that the Academy Award-winning actress will also be playing former First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy in a different upcoming biopic. I really hope these two roles leave time in her schedule to play Gloria Steinem, Ayn Rand, Maya Angelou, Zora Neale Hurston, Grandma Moses, Louisa May Alcott and Sojourner Truth. Those are all the roles that she was born to play.
I think we’ve all lost focus on the fact that there’s a Natalie Portman movie where she lives in, and gives birth to a baby in, a Wal-Mart.— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) June 8, 2013
5. Dane Cook Banned From The Laugh Factory For Acting Like Dane Cook
Dane Cook was reportedly banned from L.A.'s Laugh Factory comedy club for life after allegedly harassing a waitress, getting into a heated altercation with the club's owner and throwing his celebrity status around, yelling "I own this place!" I don't get it. They did know that he was Dane Cook when he walked into the place, didn't they?
dane cook's inside voice is an urban legend— Kelgore Trout (@KelgoreTrout) June 29, 2014