5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - May 21, 2015

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - May 21, 2015
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - May 21, 2015

1. Letterman's Ultimate Top Ten List Is The Ultimate Letterman Top Ten List

David Letterman ended his 33-year run as a late night talk show host last night with a moving 80-minute episode that featured one final top ten list. The collection of "Top Ten Things I've Always Wanted To Say To Dave" was read by a collection of A-list celebrities who were regulars on Letterman's show, including Tina Fey, Chris Rock, Bill Murray and Jerry Seinfeld. Jay Leno was not involved for reasons that were never explained.



2. Pipeline Ruptures, Spreading 105K Gallons Of Nutritious Crude Oil To California Ocean Life For Free

Clean-up crews are currently working along the California coast line to undo as much damage as possible from a 105,000 gallon crude oil leak that erupted from an underground pipeline in the Pacific Ocean and spread out over a nine mile radius. The Plains All American Pipeline company has decided not to charge the area wildlife for the oil they consume.

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3. Ancient City In Danger Of Ruin As ISIS Continues Status As World Worst Tourist Group

The ancient city of Palmyra, located in modern day Syria, has been seized by ISIS militants. Many fear the religious fundamentalist group will destroy ancient artifacts of unmeasurable historical significance, as they have in other locations of which they took control. "Mesopotamia, Iraq, Syria, this is the wellspring of global civilization," historian Tom Holland told CNN. "It really couldn't be higher stakes in terms of conservation." Well, I hear these guys are kind of conservative, so maybe they're take that into consideration.


4. 'Girls Gone Wild' Creator Has Gone Fugitive

Joe Francis—the man who popularized calypso music through his popular Girls Gone Wild beach resort videos—is currently hiding out in Mexico after a federal judge issued an arrest warrant for him on Tuesday, due to his failure to turn over two luxury cars as payment for legal fees. Why is the world always trying to tear down powerful men?

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5. Pandas Stubbornly Continue To Exist In Defiance Of Science And Reason

Despite the fact that giant pandas have been eating bamboo exclusively for approximately 2 million years, their digestive tracts are only capable of processing about 17 percent of what they consume, meaning that more than four-fifths of everything they eat goes to waste, according to new research from China. "Unlike other plant-eating animals that have successfully evolved anatomically specialized digestive systems to effectively deconstruct fibrous plant matter, the giant panda still retains a gastrointestinal tract typical of carnivores," the lead researcher explained. The prevaling theory about their existence is that God got super drunk one day.

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