1. Josh Duggar Resigns From Christian Family Group For Reasons That Are Too Depressing To Joke About

Josh Duggar—Christian activist and first child of the family featured on the TLC reality TV show 19 Kids and Counting—is stepping down from his position as executive director of the Family Research Council, a vehemently anti-gay political lobby, after admitting to the molestation of several underage girls when he was a teenager. "Twelve years ago, as a young teenager, I acted inexcusably for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret," he said in a statement he apparently saw fit to make through Facebook. Couldn't he have just been secretly gay like the other anti-gay lobbyists?