1. Ecstasy Might Be Prescribed For Autistic People—Autism Statistics Expected To Skyrocket
A team of researchers is preparing to study the use of MDMA (the main ingredient in the drug commonly known as Ecstasy) for treating the social anxiety often associated with autism. I'll be interested in phase two of this study, where they pack 500 test cases into a black room with just a bunch of glow sticks for light and tell them to not freak out.
DR: The patient has OD'd on ecstasy. We must counteract the effects of the drug [cut to me on the phone] ME: U want me to hang out with who?— Dan O'Brien (@OtherDanOBrien) May 11, 2015
2. You're Getting Closer To Losing Your Excuse For Not Eating Lab-Grown Meat
A laboratory-created hamburger patty, which used to cost approximately $325K to produce, now only costs about $12. Luckily for you, researchers estimate that artificial meat burgers are still two or three decades away from being a viable commercial option, so you won't have to make good on all your promises to yourself for a while yet.
The fact that @WholeFoods doesn't have a fake meat product called Phony Baloney is proof that mankind hasn't reached its full potential.— joeldovev (@joeldovev) June 11, 2014
3. Cannes Film Festival Says You Cannesn't Take Selfies
Cannes Film Festival officials are trying their best to keep attendees from taking part in the "ridiculous and grotesque" practice of photographing themselves on the red carpet. Festival director Thierry Fremaux justified the ban on selfies—which has not been particularly effective thus far—by explaining that, "You never look as ugly as you do in a selfie."
The important thing to remember when taking selfies is that Thelma and Louise did it before you and better than you ever will.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 21, 2015
4. Archeologists Dig Up Some Great Tips For Cooking Human Flesh
A group of archeologists exhuming a Mesoamerican site near Mexico City have gained some insight into how cannibal tribes prepared the flesh of their human victims, and some of it sounds pretty tasty. By studying ancients bones, researchers were able to determine that often the cannibal chefs would grill the meat, causing "the meat juices [to] concentrate around the bone and diffuse into it slightly." Other times, they would boil it with chillies and other colorful ingredients, resulting in slightly more yellow bones.
Is it true that kosher cannibals don't eat hamstrings?— Mike Phirman (@phirm) May 24, 2015
5. Confusing Sci-Fi Movie About Something Or Other Didn't Make As Many Millions Of Dollars As People Hoped
Brad Bird's new sci-fi fantasy film Tomorrowland—the story of a young woman who finds a pin and then something happens with a city maybe and apparently George Clooney factors in somehow—drastically underperformed at the box office over Memorial Day weekend, taking in a mere $40 million, when it was expected to make something closer to $40 bajiliion.
No one's getting any work done. We're all talking about Tomorrowland.— Gabe Delahaye (@gabedelahaye) May 26, 2015