1. U.S. Government Refuses To Share Osama Bin Laden's Huge Stash Of Porn

Top U.S. intelligence officers have released a cache of documents recovered from Osama bin Laden's secret hideout in Pakistan, but they remain steadfast in their refusal share any of the vast quantities of pornography the al Qaeda leader had reportedly been hoarding. Total non-bro behavior, bros! Seriously uncool!

2. Rick Santorum To Bring Frothy Mixture Of Conservative Ideals And Populist Rhetoric To GOP Primaries

Former senator Rick Santorum announced today that he is joining the already overcrowded race to become the Republican Party's candidate for president. Despite coming within striking distance of overtaking Mitt Romney as the GOP candidate in 2012, he's currently ranked tenth in a recent Quinnipiac poll. However, he should move up in estimation as we get closer to sweater vest season.