1. Ben Carson Just Announced Plans To Be Yet Another Guy You Won't Vote For In 2016
Ben Carson—a extremely right-wing conservative neurosurgeon who jokes about poisoning gay people and has never held office in his life—has announced his intension to stand in front of a lot of crowds and television cameras and say silly things that will get him on the news a lot in the 18-month run-up to the 2016 presidential election. "I'm not a politician," he said to a bunch of people who suddenly have a reason to listen to what he has to say. "I don't want to be a politician because politicians do what is politically expedient. I want to do what's right."
BREAKING: Ben Carson announces he’s running for president for some reason. Also buy his book, available at stores everywhere.— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 4, 2015
2. Pathetic 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron' Fails Miserably In Its Attempt To Break Debut Weekend Box Office Records
Executives at Disney and Marvel Studios must feeling pretty bad right about now. Avengers: Age of Ultron only made a lousy $191.3 million this weekend, falling short of the world record (held by the original Avengers film) by $16 million. Oh, well. Looks like this comic book movie fad is already over. It was nice while it lasted.
3. Motorola Thinks You're Going To Eat Their 'Password Pill'
Motorola is reportedly developing an edible “authentication vitamin” pill that, when swallowed, transmits an 18-bit, EKG-esque signal from your digestive tract. The signal will effectively make your body a living, breathing password for all of your devices. I mean, it would if you were actually going to eat this, which you won't. Still, neat idea. Neat and terrifying idea.
*knocks on speakeasy door* *panel opens* What's the password? "Bugsy sent me" Sorry, your password must contain at least 1 number and 1 capi— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) April 29, 2015
4. Lucasfilms Released A Handful Of New 'Star Wars' Pictures Because They Knew People Like Me Would Write About It
In honor of May the 4th, Lucasfilm and Vanity Fair have released a bunch of official photos, taken by Annie Lebowitz, from the set of the upcoming Star Wars: The Force Awakens, including this of Game of Thrones actress Gwendoline Christie in costume as some kind of a bowling trophy or something.
Are there any non-Star Wars days coming up?— Rhea Butcher (@RheaButcher) May 4, 2015
5. Author Who Writes Long, Rambling Stories Full Of Lots Of Trippy Imagery Is Also A Big Grateful Dead Fan
George R.R. Martin has just revealed that he is not only a big fan of the Grateful Dead, but that he has allowed his love of the iconic hippy band to influence the writing of A Song of Ice and Fire. This probably explains why so many of the characters on the show are naked and look like they need a bath.
Steinbeck was the original George RR Martin. Everyone good dies.— Brooks Wheelan (@brookswheelan) April 6, 2015