5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - May 9, 2014

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - May 9, 2014
Advertising
//cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/legacy/happyplace.com/536d028394ed9.jpg

1. Dr. Dre Is About To Become The Richest Hip-Hop Artist Of The Millenium

Music mogul and entrepreneur Dr. Dre is set to become the richest hip-hop artist in more than a thousand years, as Apple appears ready to buy his Beats Electronics company for a staggering $3.2 billion.


2. President Obama Misses Out On Once In A Lifetime Opportunity To Meet The Kim Kardashian

President of the United States Barack Obama came this close to getting to meet Keeping Up With the Kardashians star Kim Kardashian during a USC Shoah Foundation gala they were both attending. Kardashian apparently sent her people to set up a meeting of the two mega-celebrities, but one of Obama's aides (who has almost certainly been fired) refused to grant her request and robbed the world of a historical moment.

Advertising


3. Telling People To 'Drop Dead' Often Makes You Drop Dead Sooner

According to new research, frequent arguments with others—such as obnoxious friends, ungrateful family members, inconsiderate asshole neighbors who don't realize that sound travels through walls and fellow commuters who should go and stick their goddman heads into a cauldron of molten glass—may increase one's chances of premature death in middle age.


4. Burger King Thinks You'll Eat A Burger For Breakfast Because, Let's Face It, You Probably Will

Advertising

Fast food restaurant chain Burger King has announced that it will begin offering regular menu items—such as cheeseburgers and fries—during breakfast hours, as part of an apparent ongoing effort to keep America as grease-caked and corpulent as possible. 


5. People Only Watch A Fraction Of The Crappy Channels They'd Rather Not Be Paying For

According to a new report from Nielsen, Americans only watch about 17 of the 189 channels they currently pay for as part of their cable television subscriptions. According to personal research, approximately half of those channels feature weekend programming blocks that begin with either the word "Real" or "Haunted." 

Advertising
Advertising