1. Spike Lee Sued For Tweeting Wrong Address He Shouldn't Have Been Tweeting To Begin With
Spike Lee is being sued by a septuagenarian Florida couple after he accidentally encouraged mob justice against them by retweeting their address to the world, thinking he was encouraged mob justice against George Zimmerman in the wake of Trayvon Martin's murder. Though he apologized for attempting to turn hordes of bloodthirsty vigilantes against them, the couple are for some reason not satisfied.
I think we've come a very long way in race relations until I hear white people say "a Spike Lee joint".— Ricky Carmona (@RickyCarmona) April 16, 2013
2. Crack-Smoking, Booze-Swilling, Half-Insane Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Considering Possibility It Might Be Time To Get His Life In Order
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford may be refusing to step down from office — even though he's admitted to having a drinking problem and having smoked crack cocaine and a video of him going off on some kind of insane rant about his van down by the river (or something) turned up on the Internet last week — but he might do the next best thing: pretend to get better by spending a few weeks vacationing at a rehab center. After that, hopefully, the press will let him get back to his real job: personally draining the city dry of intoxicants. For the people.
3. Typhoon (A Fancy Name For Hurricane) Devastates South-East Asia
Approximately 10,000 people are suspected dead after Typhoon Haiyan, one of the worst storms in recorded history, swept through the Philippines, destroying homes, schools and untold lives. The tragic consequences of this natural disaster are unimaginable, so we recommend you try not to imagine it and instead read some dumb story about a really smart dog.
America: Scott Baio, Bill Cosby & Miss Universe are trending above Typhoon Haiyan. Bad America! Bad!— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) November 10, 2013
4. This Dog Has A Better Vocabulary Than Many Of Your Friends
Chaser, the 9-year-old border collie from South Carolina, is so smart, he knows practically 1,000 words and has the approximate intellect of a human toddler or an average Reddit commenter. One researcher claims that she is "the most scientifically important dog in over a century," which is saying something considering Spuds MacKenzie only died twenty years ago.
I just farted and it sounded like a smart dog explaining to me there was a child trapped in a well.— kurt braunohler (@kurtbraunohler) October 23, 2011
5. Ohio Man Who F**ked A Pool Raft Was Cheating On It With A Pumpkin
It has recently come to light that the Ohio man who was arrested for making love to a pool raft in front of impressionable children over the summer also had sex with a pumpkin from a Halloween display. The man sure does get around in the seasonal-themed fuck prop circles.
Late entry for the jack o'lantern carving contest: a pumpkin with a dick-hole bashed into it and beneath it says "Humpkin".— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) October 31, 2011
Bonus Thing: Half-Man/Half-T. Rex Spotted At LSU-Alabama Game