5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - November 11, 2014

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - November 11, 2014

1. Republicans Take Hard Stance Against Confusing Internet Thing That Obama Seems To Support

President Obama decided this week to throw the full support of his office behind the controversial concept of net neutrality, calling upon the FCC to regulate the Internet as though it were a public utility, thus ensuring that both Republican-led houses of Congress would be opposed to it. Before he even had a chance to absorb the President's statements, Sen. Ted Cruz ran to Twitter to frame the debate thusly: "'Net Neutrality' is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government." So, there goes any hope of that.

2. Obama Chews Gum, Offends 1.4 Billion Person Nation Of China

Americans are absolutely mortified today, after their cloddish President Barack Obama totally embarrassed them in front of the supercool 1,396,793,796 citizens of China by chewing gum in public while attending the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation economic summit. Ugh! We can never show our faces in Asia ever again!


3. Bill Cosby's Terrible Idea Turns Out To Be A Terrible Idea

Yesterday, a social media consultant who has clearly never done a preliminary Google search for "Bill Cosby" talked the 77-year-old comedian and sitcom star into inviting the Internet to "meme" him, or write random words on a picture of his face. Things ended as poorly as you would imagine they would.

4. Christopher Nolan's Newest Impenetrable Piece Of Cinematic Pretension Delights Impenetrable, Pretentious Brits 

British filmgoers made their love for dense theoretical physics, byzantine storytelling and extremely long running times clear this past weekend by propelling Christopher Nolan's newest film, Interstellar, to the top of the U.K. box office. American audiences instead chose to see a cartoon about a big, cute, puffy robot.

5. Study: Smoking Pot Leads To Stupidity, Unless Being Stupid Leads To Smoking Pot

Frequent marijuana use has been shown to correlate to a smaller amount of gray matter in the brain's orbitofrontal cortex and a lower IQ, according a new study. It is currently unknown in which direction the association swings, but in either case, it sure does seem to say something about people who follow Phish around on tour, doesn't it?  

(by Dennis DiClaudio)