1. Republicans Take Hard Stance Against Confusing Internet Thing That Obama Seems To Support
President Obama decided this week to throw the full support of his office behind the controversial concept of net neutrality, calling upon the FCC to regulate the Internet as though it were a public utility, thus ensuring that both Republican-led houses of Congress would be opposed to it. Before he even had a chance to absorb the President's statements, Sen. Ted Cruz ran to Twitter to frame the debate thusly: "'Net Neutrality' is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government." So, there goes any hope of that.
Ted Cruz has no clue what net neutrality is but that will not stop him from getting paid to loudly have the wrong opinion about it.— Tom Ceraulo (@tceraulo) November 11, 2014
2. Obama Chews Gum, Offends 1.4 Billion Person Nation Of China
Americans are absolutely mortified today, after their cloddish President Barack Obama totally embarrassed them in front of the supercool 1,396,793,796 citizens of China by chewing gum in public while attending the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation economic summit. Ugh! We can never show our faces in Asia ever again!
That flag you're wrapped in was made in China.— Anthony DeVito (@AnthonyDeVito) November 5, 2014
3. Bill Cosby's Terrible Idea Turns Out To Be A Terrible Idea
Yesterday, a social media consultant who has clearly never done a preliminary Google search for "Bill Cosby" talked the 77-year-old comedian and sitcom star into inviting the Internet to "meme" him, or write random words on a picture of his face. Things ended as poorly as you would imagine they would.
"I mean, we just figured there'd be a lot of lame 'jello pudding' jokes..." ~ Bill Cosby's PR people— STEVE HUFF (@SteveHuff) November 10, 2014
I think Bill Cosby still thinks he's America's Dad and not America's creepy Uncle who's not allowed to visit anymore... #CosbyMeme— Elon James White (@elonjames) November 10, 2014
4. Christopher Nolan's Newest Impenetrable Piece Of Cinematic Pretension Delights Impenetrable, Pretentious Brits
British filmgoers made their love for dense theoretical physics, byzantine storytelling and extremely long running times clear this past weekend by propelling Christopher Nolan's newest film, Interstellar, to the top of the U.K. box office. American audiences instead chose to see a cartoon about a big, cute, puffy robot.
All our nation's top physicists are currently tied up writing "19 Things Interstellar Got Wrong About Space Travel" for Buzzfeed.— todd levin (@toddlevin) November 11, 2014
5. Study: Smoking Pot Leads To Stupidity, Unless Being Stupid Leads To Smoking Pot
Frequent marijuana use has been shown to correlate to a smaller amount of gray matter in the brain's orbitofrontal cortex and a lower IQ, according a new study. It is currently unknown in which direction the association swings, but in either case, it sure does seem to say something about people who follow Phish around on tour, doesn't it?
A new study says that pot can shrink some parts of your brain. The uncool parts. #Swish— Matt Knudsen (@mattknudsen) November 11, 2014
(by Dennis DiClaudio)