1. Alcoholics May Soon Be Able To Slowly Kill Themselves Hangover-Free

Can you imagine how great it would be to get drunk, say terrible hurtful things to your loved ones and then take a pill so that you're sober enough to fully understand the monstrosity of your actions? Or to drink yourself into a state of near-suicide at night but still wake up the next morning with a clear enough head to go back to your soul-crushing job? Well, a neuropsychopharmacologistat — which is not just a bunch of letters that came out when I drunkenly mashed my fist against the keyboard — at Imperial College, London thinks those fantastical scenarios might just be in our near future. He's currently seeking funding to make his neurotransmitter-targeting alcohol surrogates a reality. Seems unlikely they'll be on the market in time for holidays, huh?