1. Chris Brown Needs To Control His Anger If He Wants To Stay In Anger Rehab
Turns out R&B singer Chris Brown did not voluntarily leave anger rehab because he's all better and is suddenly a respectable member of society. He was kicked out after he threw a rock through a window of his mother's car. So, now he's going to have to get some anger rehab before he can go back to anger rehab.
Looks like Chris Brown may have mistaken his mom's car window for Rihanna.— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) November 21, 2013
2. A-Rod Just As Obnoxious In The Court Room As He Is On The Field
New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez yesterday reportedly stormed out of an arbitration hearing for his challenge to the 211-game suspension, but not before yelling "You're full of shit!" to MLB COO Rob Manfred. So, things are going about as well as could be expected.
Is A-Rod auditioning for his next career as a wrestler?— Jon Friedman (@friedmanjon) November 21, 2013
3. Phrase "Everything's Bigger In Texas" Takes On New Meaning As Prince Fielder Heads For Rangers
The Detroit Tigers last night traded plus-size first baseman Prince Fielder to the Texas Rangers in exchange for second baseman Ian Kinsler. Fielder is expected to add a valuable dimension to the Rangers' team and to look much more svelte against the wide open vistas of the Lone Star state.
Prince Fielder is a vegetarian who just got traded to Texas. HAHAHAHAAHAH— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) November 21, 2013
4. Homeless Veteran From Viral Makeover Video Arrested, But Looks Much Nicer In His Newest Mug Shot
As it turns out, a haircut and a new suit might not be as useful in curing years of bad decisions and government neglect as previously thought. James Allen Wolf — the homeless alcoholic veteran whose Xtreme makeover video inspired the world last week — was arrested over the weekend and charged with trespassing and creating a disturbance. Perhaps this means we need to make serious changes to the way we treat not only our veterans, but the homeless and addicts in our society. Or maybe we just need to make bigger and better viral videos with even more inspirational-sounding music. Probably the latter.
I want to help the homeless this holiday season so I plan to buy each of them a Christmas tree. #generosity— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 20, 2013
5. Google Offering Tours Through Middle Earth, The Only Place Even Nerdier Than Their Offices
Google's new "Chrome experiment" — an interactive map of The Hobbit's Middle Earth —allows nerds to nerdishly wander through a nerdy fantasy world full of nerdy creatures with nerdtastic powers. And without the need for a 20-sided die. Alas, there's still no way to get laid. We checked.
The new Hobbit movie comes out December 13th, so you have to see it opening night if you want it to be over by Christmas.— Patrick Walsh (@thepatrickwalsh) November 17, 2013