1. Slum-Themed Spa Allows Rich People To Live Like Poor People Would If They Were Rich People
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in a slum with perfectly maintained hot-and-cold running water, functional toilets and comfortable heating? Want to know what it's like on the other side, where poor people check up on the stock market with high speed wifi internet service? Well then, this Shanty Town-themed Emoya Luxury Hotel and Spa in South Africa is the perfect vacation getaway for you. And the best part: no real poor people for you to interact with. Except for the staff most likely. But they're instructed not to talk to you.
The line between my neighbor's lawn and my lawn reminds me of the line between a beautiful city and its horrible Shanty town.— Chris. (@Goose) April 23, 2011
2. The White House Wants You To Choose Which Turkey It Should Murder
The Obama administration has released two candidates to be the National Thanksgiving Turkey that the President will pardon publicly. The other, we're assuming, will be eaten. Or, worse yet, will be forced to caucus with the Republicans. Sadly, though, both turkeys seem unfit for such dismal fates. If only there were some way to make the turkeys less sympathetic... If only...
"These aren't the turkeys you want to pardon." - Obi Wan Kenobi, visiting the White House— Hank Thompson (@Hank_Thompson) November 27, 2013
3. This Video Of Two Women Twerking On The Subway Tracks Is Pretty Much The "Gone With The Wind" Of Our Generation
The only thing that could make this video more likely to be remembered as a cultural touchstone of 2013 would be if it were called "Lee Daniels' Two Women Twerking On NYC Subway Tracks."
I just tried some of this world famous "twerking" I keep hearing about and I have to say, it's a hoot!— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) November 22, 2013
4. Winter Storm Determined To Make Traveling Home For The Holidays Even More Miserable Than Being Home For The Holidays
One of the busiest travel days of the year will be made even shittier than you were imagining, since a huge winter storm is making its way east, bringing snow, sleet, rain and all kinds of airport delays. On the plus side, nobody in the airport lobby where you'll be spending the night is likely to asking you if that fancy college you're wasting your money on has made you gay yet.
Severe weather is making travel impossible, meaning millions of people may actually enjoy Thanksgiving.— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) November 26, 2013
5. YouTube Can't Prevent Its Comments Section From Being Molested By ASCII Penises
One might think that the very least we could expect from YouTube — since Google decided to purposefully break it by forcefully integrating the Google+ that nobody wants to use into the video site's comment section — would be an increased quality of comments. And these ASCII drawings of genitalia that are inundating the site actually kind of bears that out. So, good work!
Dudes who street harass are the real life version of youtube comments.— Jamie Kilstein (@jamiekilstein) August 6, 2013